The start of the week, I was pretty sure I was slowly getting over my insecurities. Which one? Well the one where two guys I actually really liked consecutively, though not at the same time, fell for the same girl, who happens to be close to me. I admit she's pretty, having a few of my previous crushes have a crush on her... but having guys you actually like, heck almost totally fell for, go chase her and fight for her like... well civilly but behind the scenes it's really violent... emotions and word-wise.
That said, I restart. The start of the week, I was pretty sure I was slowly getting over that heartbreak or whatever we may call it. But then came Friday night. We went to watch Xanadu.
Xanadu, what enticed me into watching it was how Heechul and Kangin acted Sonny's role in Korea. It was totally perfect. From Felix Rivera whose wonderful acting, singing and dancing if I may say so myself (HOT) totally made a fangirl somewhere in me scream; not to mention the fact he's wearing short shorts which made me wonder what those two wore; to the perfect comedic timing and singing of every one of the other characters, especially the muse of tragedy and Calliope who just made me want to stand up from my seat laughing.
After that, I had thought I would have the best week since the 2nd week of April this year (SS2-Manila), but then we had dinner afterwards. I should have just not come to that. The whole thing was like a freaky reminder of the "problem". Why?
This is because, one of the guys who fell for her and the girl herself, they're both close friends so we see each other every lunch at work (which were very painful btw, most times) and so it was not weird that they were both with me along with other friends. But the way the guy just totally ignored me and the others except for a few irritating and snarky comments and totally just cared for the girl. Was just a slap in the face. For example, we're a group that likes to joke around and tease, so I did as per usual with my friends and teased her, then the guy had to go all defensive and joke at me in a not so joking - i'm protecting her tone.
The weekend just went downhill from that. With little sleep, due to overtime at work that lasted til dawn the whole week, which I actually enjoyed, I went to my last Culinary class depressed, then my sisters asked me to watch Despicable me with them, yes it was funny... but it wasn't enough to make me happy. And this depressed mood caused me not to meet with some of my fangirl friends for a little Korean afternoon... and even lied to them... because I'd just ruin the mood if I say I was depressed right?
I drank wine - white, red and also a kahlua-gin mix I made that tasted so bad Saturday night and cried myself to sleep at how pathetic I am, and did the same Sunday morning. Because seriously, I should be over and done with this. I feel so childish and I don't think I should still be feeling this way. And sometimes, my anger for them feel so irrational, because really, who's top blame? It's not anyone's fault who falls for who.
And the thing is like the total punch line for me is how everything I wanted went to the girl but it wasn't what she wanted and she doesn't have what she wants either.
So really? who's to blame?
Current Music: Spongecola songs