I rejoice because 2 fics were written oh so quickly yesterday!
Here I thought I would never write again~~~
posted!! <3 wooohoooo my alter-ego lives!!!! <3
albeit temporarily the plot bunnies were back due to the overflowing angst resulting from RL tyvm~
We went to Tagaytay this weekend for a little de-depressing...
We all answered that question.
I answered I don't know; cuz i'm not sure what that felt like... yet.
After some thinking... I want to answer... once.
But that comes with all the shame that comes with that story.
Cliche. I know. But hey, at 2am, it technically is.
Also, I was toiling in my misery as I was about to go to sleep in my room piled with garbage when I saw a spider on my pillow.
So yeah, after I stared at it for a minute or so, I stood up and cleaned up my room for about an hour. No, it's not thoroughly clean. It's still very dusty and needs sweeping and dusting and a bit of reorganizing on my desk, but at least, most of the garbage is out.
Weird thing, this cleaning. I hate doing it for 2 reasons.
1. I'm lazy.
2. After doing it I feel so uptight (besides the exhaustion)
But today, I feel like a new person after doing it.
*goes to sleep* good night lj world!
The start of the week, I was pretty sure I was slowly getting over my insecurities. Which one? Well the one where two guys I actually really liked consecutively, though not at the same time, fell for the same girl, who happens to be close to me. I admit she's pretty, having a few of my previous crushes have a crush on her... but having guys you actually like, heck almost totally fell for, go chase her and fight for her like... well civilly but behind the scenes it's really violent... emotions and word-wise.
That said, I restart. The start of the week, I was pretty sure I was slowly getting over that heartbreak or whatever we may call it. But then came Friday night. We went to watch Xanadu.
Xanadu, what enticed me into watching it was how Heechul and Kangin acted Sonny's role in Korea. It was totally perfect. From Felix Rivera whose wonderful acting, singing and dancing if I may say so myself (HOT) totally made a fangirl somewhere in me scream; not to mention the fact he's wearing short shorts which made me wonder what those two wore; to the perfect comedic timing and singing of every one of the other characters, especially the muse of tragedy and Calliope who just made me want to stand up from my seat laughing.
After that, I had thought I would have the best week since the 2nd week of April this year (SS2-Manila), but then we had dinner afterwards. I should have just not come to that. The whole thing was like a freaky reminder of the "problem". Why?
This is because, one of the guys who fell for her and the girl herself, they're both close friends so we see each other every lunch at work (which were very painful btw, most times) and so it was not weird that they were both with me along with other friends. But the way the guy just totally ignored me and the others except for a few irritating and snarky comments and totally just cared for the girl. Was just a slap in the face. For example, we're a group that likes to joke around and tease, so I did as per usual with my friends and teased her, then the guy had to go all defensive and joke at me in a not so joking - i'm protecting her tone.
The weekend just went downhill from that. With little sleep, due to overtime at work that lasted til dawn the whole week, which I actually enjoyed, I went to my last Culinary class depressed, then my sisters asked me to watch Despicable me with them, yes it was funny... but it wasn't enough to make me happy. And this depressed mood caused me not to meet with some of my fangirl friends for a little Korean afternoon... and even lied to them... because I'd just ruin the mood if I say I was depressed right?
I drank wine - white, red and also a kahlua-gin mix I made that tasted so bad Saturday night and cried myself to sleep at how pathetic I am, and did the same Sunday morning. Because seriously, I should be over and done with this. I feel so childish and I don't think I should still be feeling this way. And sometimes, my anger for them feel so irrational, because really, who's top blame? It's not anyone's fault who falls for who.
And the thing is like the total punch line for me is how everything I wanted went to the girl but it wasn't what she wanted and she doesn't have what she wants either.
So really? who's to blame?
araraaaa discovering new things about someone who seemed to be a "typical" guy can be quite interesting~
a bit shocking... that for a few moments you don't know what to think of the person
but then when you think about it... it actually makes sense... then you start to empathize and get it...
lol no this isn't anything serious really hahahaha
at least something fun for my seemingly mundane and quite emo / angsty life as of late (yes RL talk here... fandom wise, other than HG issue, i'm pretty happy)
should i start to rant? i want to.... >_<
seriously... there are just some people you don't want to see or talk to anymore but you can't do that cuz it would be weird if you didn't and i'm not really a confrontational type unless the world calls for it, i.e. it's pissing me off too much that there's no other fucking way ^^; also my only solution is keep away slowly cuz really, i'm not the type to want to have someone hating on me....
ugh... this entry started with positive feelings but due to relatedness, it still went to negative ones...
seriously... i have it when i have irrational anger that i can't give a decent reason to. reason, i have one, but it's not a good one that i find "mature" enough.
aigoo.. i remember a year ago i just ranted on about how much i hated that word. but when it comes to it... it seems we all have to bend to that word to avoid the judging (or what i feel like are) eyes of the people around you.
i still hate it. but have to succumb to it....
if i had a choice i want to stay immature for a long time >_> gar... cuz really... i hate when people make me feel like i'm too old to be doing what i am....
wahahahahah random and with inconsistent flow... just like how my thoughts are lately... the reason why it takes me over an hour of staring at the ceiling while these irritating thoughts swim in my head before i fall asleep....
stress.. aigoo.. my skin is hating me cuz of it... >_> oh youth where art thou...
my eyes are hurting... hopefully this means i get to doze off right away... hopefully my dream won't be too tiring. too happy (cuz it will make me emo when i wake up) or too sad (same reason)... dreamless sleep is still the best.... the other night i had a inception-like one... i felt like i ran marathons when i woke up... without the weight-loss
ah lastly... there's been a plot in my head for half a year now.. i've been wanting to write it... but every time i start i can't seem to get the flow like i used to... it seems i get too easily distracted with RL... it seems the fic i wrote in my other journal is really the last >_<
and here i thought reading awesome writers like coley_merrin theclockiswrong black_goose etc would help me... seems i'm a hopeless case
it's supposed to be girl!hyuk with yoona, hannie, yuri, sungmin and of course, hae. but i can't seem to find where to start! or to end! damnit! *shakes self*
-no cut cuz it's my journal- pffttttttttttttttttt
how happy this made me! i can't explain!
i started my lj cuz i wanted some kat-tun
now im leaving kat-tun comms cuz i dont read them at all anymore...
they were my first fandom.. not as crazy as how i am with sj..
i can't seem to appreciate them anymore now....
bye KAT-TUN. it was fun those few years in college (and hs? *dont remember)! ^^
this was my own little world that was not meant to be found T_T
call me demented or whatever but hey... this is like my escape ><
especially when i'm too tired cuz i have to keep seeing people i don't want to....
i only have one love who gives me happiness... my miracle...
i think my love for suju can be best described by Miracle and One love.... with the lines "I love you babe and I'm never gonna stop" and "The memories are beautiful never let you go"
and perhaps my favorite MV ever would be Happiness.. it never fails to make you feel warm and leave a smile your face...